hey everyone..well, I got a few comments about my livejournal..and one thing I need to make clear! This guy is not a Jerk..or anything else. He is a great guy...This is the guy that I like and I do not think he is a jerk wahtsoever...do not think anything negative about him.
Caitlin
this song really describes what I feel..and I will explain after you read the lyrics..It's called Behind these Hazel eyes by Kelly Clarkson
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
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so yeah...right now this is what im feeling. I honestly wish I could read minds...especially the one of the male specimen..lol..they are the most hardest to read..and even though guys may think that we are hard to read..its really just because we aren't guys, and they aren't girls..lol..but I'm really confused/agitated/anxious about the situation I am in right now...Some of you may not understand what I am talking about and that is just fine..I'm really actually hoping that this person would read my livejournal and understand what I am trying to say. I also hope that they don't mind i'm being so open about this to everyone. So here it goes...I really like this person for about 3 or 4 years(yes they know about it too) and I was pretty okay with the fact that nothing was going to happen..you know..I was just like "Hey, here's this awesome guy that I really, really like, and even though he doesn't feel the same about me, I'm okay with that!" I was just being me and taking life as it was and being so thankful to God for what I had. so in early January, I found out that he actually did like me, so we had started dating. Some people may say that I should have waited a little longer and really prayed about it so that I know for sure that this was what God had planned, but the thing is...I've already been praying for the past 2 to 3 years. So anyways, we had dated for about a month and a half before it suddenly ended. I was quite upset..not so much that it hadn't lasted very long...but because we were no longer together. I couldn't just get over it so fast and like...lose my feelings for him. It wasn't like that at all. So in the past month or so..we would talk or whatever and one day he would tell me what he felt and that he wanted to get back together or whatever..but then when he thought about it...he decided he needed more time, which is totally understandable..I had asked for more time in the beginning...but yeah I would just like it if he wouldn't tell me that he wanted to date again until he knew for sure, for sure..because I would get all happy..but then disappointed. So I'm really struggling with this, but I really like the guy and I just want him to be completely confident in this and want it as much as I do. Like, of course I don't want to get hurt and I know that he doesn't want to hurt me...but he needs to understand that I have I guess you could say that I "forgave" him for hurting me before, and I'm over that part. If I was holding a grudge towards him and hadn't gotten through it, then I wouldn't want to get back together. So I won't get over him and move on or be at peace with us quite yet. I'm still willing to give it a try, but I just...I don't know...I guess I just need to hear it from him that he is willing to as well. so if "he" is reading this then I have one last thing to say: I know you don't want to hurt me, and I know you need time to think about this because you aren't too sure, but know this, I still really really like you, and I am still praying about it. Once you know what you want...let me know.
So I think that's all I needed to get out, but if theres more...I'll add another livejournal to continue this long entry...lol I guess this was more of an e-mail towards the person..sorry guys! If you have any comments, please leave them..or e-mail me if you feel that it's better. my e-mail address is...well you should know it..lol
Caitlin